Archive for August, 2010

Inside the Mind of an Anti-Social Sigma

August 30, 2010

Some brand of anti-social behavior is not about subverting any dominant paradigm. It’s about being true to what you want and not giving a rat’s ass about what everyone elses thinks. Social conventions were borne out of the want to control and punish uncooperative behavior. What “uncooperative” means exactly is defined by the point-of-views and motivations of the dominant individuals who holds power and runs the show. These nonetheless individualistic points-of-views are then shovelled down the throats of the naive, non-dominant masses in the guise of rationalizations like “it’s for the good of society”. It’s a hypocritical veil. A veil meant to wrap around these so-called social expectations so the weak-minded majority can be herded away willingly and corralled inside the pen of their own delusions about their inflated self-worth the more they buy into these fabricated truisms. Some people can see right through this veil though. Some people’s bullshit detectors are more refined than others.

Manipulation is so pervasive that for the most part, most people no longer see it for what it really is. Social conventions are all that — thinly disguised attempts at manipulating other people to fall in line, then dole-ling out small doses of social acceptance, a bit at a time, to reward compliance and encourage the perpetuation of the limiting system.

Anti-socials refuse to go through the inanity of this whole arrangement. They refuse because they are smart enough to know that they don’t have to.

An anti-social’s threshold for tolerance towards being told not to pursue his quests, not to act in certain ways, not to believe in certain things, for the sake of social conformity, is very low. He holds himself and his purpose in life above any other ideological dictates he hear others around him regurgitate. His worth to this world is clear to him. His path is well marked out in his mind. He doesn’t seek validation from others, he has no need for it. He is very confident. He is never afraid to live the life of an outcast, to dwell on the fringes of his social circles if he has to. He is always very skilled. Having learned early in life that most people cannot be relied upon, working on things on his own, he develops himself and becomes very good at so many different areas of life. He doesn’t serve society and wouldn’t bat an eyelash to worry about any of society’s troubles. He is lonely, always seeking companionship. But he holds very high standards for people he will allow into his world. He doesn’t need anyone afterall, so he doesn’t give a shit. Everyone looking to get close to him will have to validate themselves to gain his favor. But he can be extremely loyal, too — at least to those rare few who can understand his ways, pass his strict value judgements and share the vision of his purpose.

Resistance to engage in the trappings of a social life is never a reaction to the way an anti-social has been treated. This resistance is never a form of revenge. The withdrawal came as a by-product of an understanding. An understanding based on some knowledge about the workings of human nature that is so easily discernible it is almost mystical to observe that very few can sense what should be so obvious.

The withdrawal is a peaceful bliss viewed from the inside looking out. But from the outside looking in, society as a whole looks at the social apathetics with scorn — casts as unremorseful, uncooperative, schizoid narcissists. Perhaps those descriptions are true. Perhaps such labels are deserved. The irony is though, all that branding and all that alluding to is pointless. We anti-socials will never care. Even if society points a gun to our heads and yell.

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Goodnight, Diego …

August 17, 2010

goodnight diego… on Yahoo! Messenger

FLING : Hey what’s up?
FLING : I
FLING : I’ve had too much coffee for this time of the night 😦
DIEGO : go to bed. you have work tomorrow. didnt see your message until now. i am playing online poker
FLING : ok enjoy
FLING : Can’t sleep now but have to do so much before sleep
DIEGO : there you go again, exaggerating
FLING : 🙂
DIEGO : somethings wrong with you
FLING : I have my real estate exam next saturday 🙂
DIEGO : no, not that. something else
FLING : what?
DIEGO : i can sense it
FLING : what r u sensing?
DIEGO : some thought in your head that is not right
FLING : to be honest, there’s too many things right now
DIEGO : ooh, an honest woman. that’s rare 🙂
FLING : have I been dishonest before?
DIEGO : women always are
FLING : you’re right
DIEGO : too many things? there’s always too many things
DIEGO : but this one, its weird. its kinda strong – the vibes
DIEGO : something big is bothering you
FLING : haha
DIEGO : just go to bed. it’ll take care of itself. like things usually do
FLING : you know how fortune tellers say thinks to you that you always agree with, this is one of those episodes 🙂
DIEGO : im no fortune teller
FLING : they say: you have a problem
DIEGO : i just feel things
FLING : and then because everyone always has one, you will think yeah I do
DIEGO : dont be a smartass with me
DIEGO : im telling you, i can sense it
DIEGO : spiderman kinda way
FLING : ok then delve more
DIEGO : when there’s crime somewhere, spiderman can sense it
DIEGO : delve more? how much?
FLING : haha
DIEGO : both fortune tellers and psychiatrists gets paid you know
FLING : yeah
FLING : you want $?
DIEGO : gold trust up 4% the past 2 days
FLING : yeay
DIEGO : beh! 😛
FLING : 400$ ?
DIEGO : more
FLING : ?
DIEGO : dont ask. im not giving you any profit
FLING : ok
FLING : btw line of credit interest for me is prime + 0.5%
DIEGO : total is?
FLING : prime is 2.25 I guess
DIEGO : no way!
DIEGO : like you got 3% ???
DIEGO : duh
DIEGO : youre exaggerating again
FLING : no it’s for staff
DIEGO : come on, you’re not that pretty
FLING : I’m not
FLING : I swear
DIEGO : ok, whatever
DIEGO : but im still prettier
DIEGO : 🙂
FLING : ok
DIEGO : maybe you wore a bathing suit when you applied. not fair
FLING : come on
FLING : I’m staff
FLING : I don’t pay any charges for anything bankwise
FLING : and I get special mortgage rate
DIEGO : but you don’t have spider sense like me 😛
DIEGO : … and you don’t own polka dot underwear like i do 😛
FLING : !
DIEGO : nye nye 🙂
FLING : byeee
DIEGO : im joking
FLING : alright time to get things done and go to sleep
DIEGO : hahaha
FLING : talk later and good luck with the GOLD 🙂
DIEGO : youre so easy to piss
FLING : i’m not pissed
FLING : tired
FLING : promise
FLING : I tell you when I’m pissed
DIEGO : i want you to be pissed
DIEGO : i’ll piss you in your dreams
FLING : gooo
DIEGO : go to bed now
FLING : gn

=====

My Grand Uncle the Universe

August 17, 2010

little diego sigma up a treeLittle Diego: I like my grandpa Cid. He’s the only person who ever helps me with anything.  

Grand Uncle:  Maybe it’s because he’s the only person you ever ask to help you with anything.

Little Diego:  That’s not true. I ask everyone … But nobody wants to do anything with me … All the kids in the village, they don’t want to play my games. All they want to do is play their noisy games. I don’t like their noisy games.

Grand Uncle:  You want them to climb trees with you, that’s why. Climbing trees is dangerous. You could get hurt. Their mothers would scold them if they do that. Doesn’t your mother scold you all the time?

Little Diego:  Uh-huh … But Baba’s mother doesn’t scold him. He’s the one who taught me how to climb trees. And to catch fish. And to make toy cars out of empty cans. His mother doesn’t scold him … He can do whatever he wants.

Grand Uncle:  No, he cannot. He cannot go to school. His father needs him to work in the fields. He cannot play as much as most of you kids in the village do.

Little Diego:  Baba’s the only one who would climb trees with me … I can climb higher than him now. He’s afraid of heights. I’m not afraid of heights.

Grand Uncle:  Sometimes, it’s good to be afraid.

Little Diego:  I’m not afraid of heights. Are you afraid of heights?

Grand Uncle:  No. I’m not afraid of heights … I’m afraid that one day, you’ll climb so high and hurt yourself.

Little Diego:  Well, don’t be afraid because I’m not going to fall. I’m good with my hands. Look! … But it’s not fun anymore … I always climb alone.

Grand Uncle:  You always have me to talk to.

Little Diego:  … but all you do is answer questions!

Grand Uncle:  Yes, you’re right. All I do is answer questions. And all I answer are questions you cannot figure out for yourself.

Little Diego:  I want to figure out everything. I’m good at figuring things out. Can I figure out everything? Huh? Can I do that?

Grand Uncle:  Maybe … Maybe one day when you’re all grown up.

Little Diego:  Can I still ask you questions even when I’m all grown up?

Grand Uncle:  Of course. Just look up at the sky like you always do. I will always answer.

Little Diego:  Ok … It’s so nice up here. I can see more than everyone else … Can you hear me better when I’m up here? I bet you can here me better when I’m up here.

Grand Uncle:  I can hear you just fine my little boy. I can hear you just fine.

*****

Patricia: Closing A Story

August 11, 2010

Patricia wanted me to apologize. Three weeks after I walked out on her, she messaged me, still carrying that self-entitled demanding tone honestly believing that she’s speaking from a higher moral ground, to tell me nobody’s perfect and to say I have the chance to make things right. Her email made me smile. Didn’t I just said goodbye to her three weeks ago? What was this message all about? She’s offering me the opportunity to win her back. It’s cute. How can I not smile? The girl loves me. I am out of her life and she’s still frantically throwing shit tests.

I wrote her back. I kept the message short and the tone friendly. I told her the decision has been made and it’s best to just hang back for a while, see and await what the universe holds for us next. My universe lines are always cheesy, I’ve been told a thousand times. But that’s what I do. I bring the cheese to these girl’s lives. They all love me and miss me for it. How could a guy be so romantic and poetic and be such an arrogant asshole at the same time? I don’t know. I just am.

Such a spoiled rich girl like Patricia, I really don’t know what to expect next. She’s definitely not used to the kind of dismissal I just handed her. In her world of beauty, money and high status, being dumped by a struggling wannabe-somebody-big dreamer like me isn’t exactly a commonplace everyday thing. Most likely, she’ll just brush it off as a quirk of nature and go back to her regular ways once the initial shock of rejection has subsided. Or maybe I damaged her ego enough that she’d be bitter about it. I don’t know. In any case, I don’t care. She can only blame herself. She won’t do what I tell her to do. That’s a deal-breaker. It’s not the responsibility of any man to care for and protect any woman unwilling to follow his lead. I don’t feel a whiff of guilt for saying the things I said and doing the things I did. I acted in good faith.

A woman should understand that a man’s protective instincts are triggered by her submissiveness and her display of vulnerability. A show of strength and independence, whether genuine or contrived, makes it easy for us to leave a woman. But who’s going to submit to such a primitive idea like this at this day and age? Certainly not a well-educated, glamorous, rich girl who has the world at her feet.

I’ll miss you baby. I won’t deny it. But our paths parted ways the moment you challenged my ways and refused to fall back in line.